Why I Hate Facebook

Over the past couple years Facebook has really taken off to become the online resource for keeping up with your friends. It’s not just for college students anymore. My mom, sister, borther-in law, girlfriend and just about everyone I know is on it whether I want to be friends with them or not. Just like in real life there are friends that are annoying and do annoying things.

  • Don’t become a fan of stupid things like Waving at security cameras or Stopping the microwave before it hits 0:00 to avoid hearing the “BEEP”s. (Yes those are really Facebook fan pages and I know people who are fans of.)
  • Stop sending me group invites. I don’t want to join your group a protesting a Wal-Mart being built in Shaboygen, Wisconsin. We live in a capitalist society and you need to get over it.
  • Don’t have 20 siblings listed in your profile. If you really have that many siblings then your mom is a prostitute and you shouldn’t admit it to your friends even though they probably already know.
  • Don’t post status updates every 10 minutes telling your friends what you’re doing. I know it just snowed two feet and we’re all stuck inside for a week straight but we don’t need the constant updates on how bored you are.
  • Countdowns are so ridiculously dumb. Why would someone need to tell everyone who follows them a daily countdown leading up to an event that obviously only they care about. If it’s such a big, cool event then I want to see other people excited and counting down to it. Sometimes they start it at day 20 too.
  • If you post updates that are TMI, you’re history. Just because I met you that one time at a party and will probably never meet you again doesn’t mean I want to know about your rash or gyno appointment.
  • If you play Farmville, Cafe World or the Mafia game and post game updates then I’m not your friend anymore. I know there’s a way to turn off specific status updates but I don’t care, deleted.
  • Don’t post duplicate pictures. If you do then you don’t deserve to be my friend.
  • Stop adding people you met online as your friends. As much as you want it to be, it’s not a popularity contest and you don’t really know 1,043 people as your Facebook profile suggests. If you do then you don’t have a real life and I don’t want to be your friend anyway.
  • Wow you made a baby. Good for you. Stop begging for attention by posting 43 pictures of him with a puppy.
  • Facebook, stop completely redesigning your site. A tweak here or there is fine but it’s annoying to get to relearn where everything is when you update the look every six months.
  • And last but not least: DON’T ever, ever, ever,Poke me. Poke me, you’re gone. Not only will I remove you from my friends list, I will also block you so there’s no chance I will ever communicate with you over Facebook again.

More random stuff I hate:

  • Stop IMing me in Facebook chat if I enable it for 10 seconds.
  • Stop posting weird obscure updates that no one understands.
  • I don’t want to have a Facebook pillow fight.
  • I don’t know any of my friend recommendations.
  • Stop getting in verbal fights with random people over random comments.